Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
How naked do you want me to be?
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
