Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize