If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
