I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Randomize
