I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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