I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize