ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
