just survived the first fart of the relationship.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
