He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Randomize
