sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
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