at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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