i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
organizing the empties. That sober.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
