You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
