my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
The police scanner is talking about you again....
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Randomize
