god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
its not stalking. its research.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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