i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
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