I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
