it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
Randomize
