Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Randomize