somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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