If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Randomize
