Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
