she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
He called his prostate his "boner button".
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Randomize
