then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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