and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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