peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Randomize
