i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Randomize
