So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
