i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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