The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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