When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Randomize
