from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
