I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Randomize
