I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
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