dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Randomize
