im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
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