Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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