Farmville is her only friend.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
My dick has a subreddit
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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