Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
