You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
I wish they made helmets for livers.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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