you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
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