woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Randomize
