6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
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