If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
