I puked a lego.
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
