Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Randomize
