Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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