some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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