who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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