Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
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