i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
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