I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
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