He disabled his match.com account in front of me
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Randomize
