she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
