I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
