Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
