Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
