well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
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