I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
