Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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