so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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