Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize
