White coat. Heels.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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