Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize