he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
