dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Randomize