i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
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