ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
