he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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