so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize