She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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