The brown eye won't let me do that either.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
