Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
