so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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