Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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