Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
