how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Randomize
